Boyfriend Material

Boyfriend material according to the most people I asked is, a type of guy who has the criteria to be a good boyfriend like taking deep interest in what the girl likes, remembers the small things that you tell them and most important is that you're proud to introduce him to your family and friends. Recently a few girl that is a friend of mine asked me and some of my friends when will we turn into a guy that is boyfriend material.

When I came back home that night, it made me think. Boyfriend material, what does it really mean? A friend told me that boyfriend material is just a load of bull, he considered himself as a boyfriend material and still get left by his girl. He told me to just be myself, he said he knows who I am and so he told me that it is better if I keep being my original self.

Well that just add another problem to my head, being myself. What does that really mean. Does it mean that I can do anything that I like without caring what others think or does it mean to keep acting like I always did. I treat different kinds of people with different kind of attitudes, does that makes me hypocrite or being myself? For now I will try to neglect that question and decided that being myself means just keep acting like I always did.

Back to the story, I answered my friend's question by saying maybe I'll change into boyfriend material when I meet someone that is worth changing myself with. But then my friend ask again, when is that? Normally I will say I'll just leave that on god and my mom and wouldn't feel nothing bad about it. At all. But that night I told them I'll just leave it to my mom. Here's the part that made me thinking, why do I feel bad when I told them that. Maybe because that night is the first time in how many years someone's asking me about what I think about relationships, or anything seriously.

I'm not ready for a commitment. Is it really hard to tell people the real answer? Am I really afraid that people might think that I'm weak, or is it something else? A friend once told me maybe it's a self defense mechanism that makes me think that I'm not fit to have any girlfriend or I think that I don't deserve to pick any girl as a soul mate. Well that is not entirely wrong neither it is entirely right. I look around at my coupled friends and well, let's just say I'm not really impressed of how they going with their couples. They always fight, some of them can't even hang out with the gang anymore and  there's even this load of crap where their bank cards is held by their couples. I realize that myself is not that strong yet so if let's say that I check my inbox tomorrow and there's some kind of love mail or something, I would reject her. It's because I have nothing to offer her, nothing that can reply her love to me except for words and that would make me look stupid. So am I weak to say I'm not ready to give a commitment?